Stargazing
by daughteroforion
Summary: Star Smith returns to Hogwarts for her fifth year, after her father left in the summer, to discover the secret of one of her tormentors, Remus Lupin. Will she keep it? Will she learn to forgive and trust the boys who made her life hell? Will she reveal her own deep truths? Will she fall in love? (eventual Remus/OC) rated T for possible future chapters :) cover image painted by me!
1. 1 - All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

Golden sunlight poured through my window, waking me from my deep slumber. Well, the light was a contributing factor – my little brother Arlo was patting my shoulder repeatedly, whispering "Star, wake up!" in his little sing-song voice.

"Arlo, I'm tired." I mumbled, rolling over and narrowly avoiding squishing my cat, Tybalt, "What time is it?"

Rolling his eyes, Arlo motioned to the blue clock on my bedside table, reading 5:30am. Suddenly, I remembered what day it was: 1st September 1974, i.e. the day I would start my fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Feet cold against the drafty, wooden floors of our farmhouse, I opened my almost empty wardrobe (all my clothes were folded neatly in my trunk by the front door) and pulled out the last outfit I had left. It was my favourite outfit, the casual flared jeans and rainbow stripe top matching my carefree personality perfectly, especially when worn against my loose waist-length brown waves and natural makeup.  
"Star," came the soft voice of my mother, peeking her head around the side of my door, "if we don't leave soon, we'll never make it to Kings' Cross in time for the train."  
Nodding, I scooped Tybalt up into his carry case and plodded down the stairs. It was funny to think how much had changed over this summer, I'd never felt more out of place in my life; it was as though my whole life had been hanging in suspended animation since July, and I just hoped that perhaps I'd feel some familiarity upon my return to Hogwarts. Arlo in tow, the three of us (four with the cat) clambered into our battered Ford Cortina and began the four-hour journey from Devon to London.  
I was relieved to arrive in London at around 10:30, because it meant I could finally stretch my long legs. I was quite tall for my age, I stood at 5 foot 9 and wasn't sixteen until June, being one of the youngest in my year group, and _the_ youngest fifth year Ravenclaw. However, I still deemed myself to be more mature than several people in my classes – especially the dreaded "Marauders" as they call themselves. Always bullying one poor soul or another, I was often the butt of their cruel jokes. I just hoped, after the summer I'd had, Merlin might grant me a year of peace, free from them.  
After bidding my farewells to my mother and brother, I absent-mindedly pushed my cart towards Platforms 9 and 10 and slipped through the barrier onto Platform 9 ¾. I could never help but to stop and stare in awe whenever I dashed through: steam billowing around from the slick, burgundy train; parents, muggle and wizard alike, hugging and kissing wriggling children; prefects rushing from one end of the station to the other, guiding muggleborn first years to the right compartments. The whole scene was a bustling mess, and yet somehow managed to carry such a sense of home that it made me feel calm and happy.  
I wandered up and down the train until I found an empty compartment near the back, far away from the usual Slytherin and Marauder spots. My trunk on a shelf above the bench and Tybalt asleep in his carrier beside me, I removed my guitar from its case, enchanted to make it fit in the palm of my hand when closed, but grow to a full size when opened. As the train set off and began slowly chugging down the rickety tracks, I gently plucked the strings of a folk tune my mother liked to sing, by Mary Hopkin. It was called Voyage of the Moon, and I closed my eyes and allowed myself to get lost in the flowing tune emulating from the strings between my fingers, so I didn't notice the door to my compartment being slid open and four boys striding in.  
"Enjoying yourself, Smith?" I jumped at the sound of the mocking voice, coming from the pale mouth of a tall, thin boy with dark, shoulder length hair: the one and only Sirius Black. Internally I was screaming at myself for being so stupid as to let them hear me sing – this was just another thing they could tease me about – but I lifted my chin and looked him dead in the eye.  
"I was actually Black, until I noticed a dreadful stink fill my compartment when you walked in." I knew my words would be something I regretted, but I couldn't deal with another year of incessant bullying.  
"The only thing that stinks around here is your singing," Similar in height to Black, but more muscular and evened out was James Potter, star Gryffindor seeker, although blind as a bat without his round glasses. "It nearly shattered the windows and my glasses." I could feel another snappy retort rising in my throat and I didn't care enough to hold it back.  
"Hopefully the broken pieces pierce your eyes; I'd like to see you try and play quidditch when your eyes are torn to shreds." Potter's eyes widen and his nostrils flare in anger.  
A short, squat boy with pimples littering his forehead and nose stumbles forward and leans right in against my face, breathing his foul breath all over me.  
"Has this summer made you forget who you're dealing with, Smith? We're Malaysian." I snorted.  
"I'm going to make this easy and assume you meant 'malicious'." I said with eyebrows raised. He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could I continued "Peter Petti-grow-a-brain-for-all-our-sakes."  
Three angry faces turn towards me and begin to edge in; I prepare myself for a bruising. However, just as Black raises his fist for the first punch, a large hand holds him back and says "Sirius, she's not even worth it, lets just go. I have a prefect meeting in a moment anyway. We'll get her at school." I glare daggers at the boy, taller and more muscular than any of the others. Sandy brown hair flopped lazily over his eyes, Remus Lupin had just stolen my chance to avoid pranking for the year. Not that he seemed to care.  
"You heard, Smith, we'll get you. Watch your freakish back." Pettigrew hissed before storming out. With a spit from Potter, and an obligatory kick to the ribs from Black, they were gone. I looked over at Tybalt.  
"It's going to be a long year…"

 **Thanks for reading the first chapter of 'Stargazing'! Like and review, follow for (hopefully) frequent updates, if people want them :)**

 **Quick note that -obviously- I have no ownership of Harry Potter or any of the characters you recognise in this story, but I do own Star, Arlo and any other OCs**


	2. 2 - Goblins and Werewolves

Mossy blocks of stone carved to perfectly smooth finishes stacked like Jenga blocks build up the enormous castle in front of me. The sheer beauty of the Hogwarts Castle was enough to make me want to cry, especially after the summer I've had. Stood out here, under the sunset, I feel tranquil, and truly home. Quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace around me, I walk into the castle, robes billowing around me.

When I enter the Great Hall, the feast has already begun. Strong aromas of food fill the air and make my stomach rumble. I walk to the Ravenclaw table and sit next to Meadow McLoughlin, my dorm-mate and best friend. Blonde curls framing her round face, Meadow swivels to turn her pretty features towards me.  
"Star! How was your summer?" Bubbly as always, Meadow keeps me in conversation while we eat, until suddenly, she trails off.  
"Meadow? What's wrong?" I ask, concerned for my friend.  
"St-Star, your face, its gone all… warty." I peer at my reflection on the silver plate beneath me, and sure enough, a goblin-like hag stares back at me, an expression of horror painted over her grotesque features.

I look up to see the entire hall watching me in silence, all except for three giggling boys at the Gryffindor table. Tears stinging my eyes, I flee the Great Hall, and run outside, too upset to notice that the Marauders were missing a fourth member. The sky was rapidly darkening above me, and the moon was beginning to rise. My thoughts drifted to Arlo for a moment, out there with just my mother, who was nowhere near as good at looking after him as I was. I found myself near the whomping willow, and (using the trick I'd learned from Hagrid last year) I crawled down labyrinthine passageways to the shrieking shack.

Everyone seemed to think this dank, dark place was haunted, but I usually came here to hide from the Marauders and I'd never seen anything out of the ordinary. My hands felt for my face to find it had returned to normal, clear, pale skin with an upturned nose and large brown eyes. Only then did I allow my tears to spill, pouring down my face like rain against the windows of Ravenclaw Tower during a storm.  
A crash behind me alerted me that I'd been followed.  
"Who's there?" came a strained voice from the tunnel. "I know someone is, I can hear you crying."  
"Oh, go away. I was here first, find somewhere else to go." I responded, before gasping as the face of a sickly Remus Lupin appeared through the door.  
"What do you want? Come to hex me again? Well go ahead, I don't care." Lupin stared at me as I spoke, a look of urgency in his eyes.  
"You need to leave. Now." He spoke with such definite finality, I almost did as he said.  
"I was here first, Lupin. You and your asshole friends have caused enough damage tonight, can't you just leave me be?" Tears threatened to spill again, and I had to bite my lip to hold them back.  
"Smith, you don't understand, you need to – "  
"Don't tell me what to do! Go away Lupin!" I cut him off.  
"Star, please, just – "Lupin turns and falls to the floor panting.

I can barely make him out through the pale moonlight. I take a step towards him. "Lupin?" I question, reaching out to touch his shoulder.  
"GO!" he roars, turning to face me. The light of the full moon shows me features warped by what I know is lycanthropy. I run to the door, and pull the handle with all my might, but to no avail.  
"Remus, it's stuck!" I shriek, terrified. I hear him stand behind me, and he puts his large hand against the wooden door.  
"Enchantments… No way out… Only in… I'm so… Sorry." He pants, before collapsing back to the floor. I bend down and grab his chin.

"Remus, look at me. Look at me, Remus! Look into my eyes, it's going to be alright, just latch onto me Remus. Let the world disappear, it means nothing. The only things that exist and matter in this universe are you, and me, and so look at me, listen to me. Latch onto me Remus, my eyes, my voice, my scent, it's going to be okay, I promise." Almost trancelike, Remus looks at me, open mouthed. "That's it, Remus, breathe. Imagine the woods. A lush, green forest lit by fireflies with a silver lake in the middle, full of fish, and there's just you and me, running free. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

A howl tears through the shack and Remus rolls backwards in pain. I know better than to try and hold him now. I watch as each individual bone in his body cracks and breaks and reforms into a beast of monstrous height and strength. It turns to me, green eyes showing me the reflection of my petrified face. I look down at the ground and lift my hand. The wolf sniffs my hand gingerly, before rubbing its great head against it and panting playfully.  
I let out a breath I'd been holding for what felt like forever, and smiled, looking at the beady eyes peering back at me. Gently, I lift my other hand to cup the wolf's face and rub up and down the bridge of his nose.  
"Let's sit, shall we?" I say, more to comfort myself with the end to the silence, than because I think the wolf understands me. Once I'm comfortably down on the cold floor, the wolf sits and lays his head in my lap. I let out a small laugh, and continue stroking him, before beginning to sing the same song I'd been playing on the train. I wondered if, back home, Mother was singing the same song to Arlo.

Behind me, the door creaked open, and in rushed three creatures: a large, black dog, a majestic-looking stag, and a rat, trailing behind. They look ready to pounce and fight and seem extremely shocked to see me sat with the tame werewolf's head resting on my knees.  
The dog stalks towards me, and I fin myself glowering into the same pale grey eyes that belong to Sirius Black; then it all makes sense.  
"Sirius." I say, not as a question. I turn to the stag. "Potter." And to the rat, "Pettigrew."  
The dog sniffs Remus and the wolf stands quickly, growling and snarling, stood in front of me protectively.  
"Wolfie. No." I say firmly, grasping his furry front paw, pulling him back down next to me. "It's alright. It's okay." Keeping his eyes on Sirius, the wolf lays his head don again, and I continue singing, until I fall asleep.

 **Two chapters in one night! I probably won't have all my updates this consistent, I'm just in a writing mood tonight! Hope you enjoyed, like, review and follow for more updates.**

 **As I said previously, I don't own anything except Star, Arlo and now Meadow. :)**


	3. 3 - The Morning After

I woke with my back stiff and an awful cramp in my left leg. I'd never realised how uncomfortable the beds were in the dorms. Groggily, I opened my eyes to check the time, when I realised the ceiling above me was not the painted night sky I was used to, but cobweb-covered stone, and suddenly the events of the night before flooded back to me. I sat up and saw the sleeping, sandy-brown head of Remus Lupin was resting in my lap, his wide shoulders spread over my legs, deep, red scars embroidered into his skin; skin I'd never seen due to his thick, woollen jumpers. Thoughts glued to Arlo, I almost reach out to trace them with my fingertips, when I hear a cough from across the room.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you. He'll be upset enough as it is when he wakes up." Black says, without blinking once, like he's trying to solve some great puzzle. I realise the puzzle is me. Before I can reply, Black continues, "You weren't afraid. Why weren't you afraid?" He cocks his head to one side, and I see a flash of the large black dog I'd seen the night before.

"What do you mean? I was terrified, I just knew getting in a state wouldn't help anyone. I had bigger priorities." I speak quietly, as not to wake the others, but with an edge of venom: just because I knew their secret didn't mean I wanted anything to do with them.

"Like taming him?" Sirius seethed. "We both know that's not possible. Where did you learn that?"

"I didn't learn it. I've never done that before. In fact, I don't even know what I did." I answer, but I know my voice is rising in speed and pitch. Sirius flares his nostrils in an angry scowl and opens his mouth to say more, but Potter rolls over, murmuring something incomprehensible and opens his eyes.

"Best full moon sleep I've had in ages." He says, before turning to me. "Oh, yeah, forgot _you_ were here." The obvious disdain in his voice angers me, and (frustrations and anxiety already built up inside of me) a switch in my head flicks.

"Oh, of course, I'm so sorry to ruin your morning with my presence, I mean, it's not like I made your lives so much easier last night, or anything. It's not like I helped Lupin have a full moon he won't wake up with more scars from, is it? Maybe, for once in your pathetic, sad little existence, you could give me some credit for the things I do right, instead of constantly picking out the tiny things you don't like about me. Because guess what, James Potter? I don't give a damn what you, or any of you stupid friends and followers think about me!" I compose myself, breathless, as James, Sirius and a now-awake Peter stare at me, mouths agape.

The cramp in my leg returns, and I look down to see Remus waking up. He looks directly into my eyes and shoots up, running to the other side of the room, eyes full of fear and worry.

"Smith! What are you doing here? What did you see?" He chews his inner lip, almost like he's going to cry.

"Everything." I respond simply. His brows furrow into a creased line as he attempts to comprehend the situation.

"But – how – you're alive..." He turns to his friends, anger seeping into his voice and features. "Did you – did you bring her here? How could you? I trusted – "

"Remus." I interrupted. "They didn't take me anywhere. I've been coming here since Christmas, when I'm upset about things. I never realised this place was actually used for something."

Now it was Remus' turn to cock his head. "Last night, you were… crying? Yes, you were crying when I came in, and then the door sealed and… And…" He strains, trying to remember.

"And then she somehow manages to tame your wolf, make you her little puppy-dog and get out of it alive, having supposedly 'never done it before'. Bullcrap." Sirius fumed. Remus turns, and all eyes are back on me.

"You tamed it? How?" I wasn't in the mood for this interrogation.

"I don't know" I snapped. "Bit of a spur of the moment reaction, when you find out your classmate's a _werewolf_." I deliberately put emphasis on the "werewolf" part, which made him flinch.

"I suppose you're going to tell everyone then. I mean, I deserve it. I'm a monster." His green eyes darken with sadness.

"Yes, you are." I respond bluntly. "You entirely deserve it, but no. I won't tell." And before he can respond, "Now if you don't mind, I'm off to breakfast. I had a long night."

…..

The next few days pass in a blur, especially now the Marauders are leaving me be. I'd not spoken to them since the morning after the full moon, when Meadow was quizzing me about my whereabouts the night before. James, Sirius and Peter sauntered over and clapped me on the back, commenting how I'd "helped us catch up on the Transfiguration we'd forgotten over the summer" and "crashed in the girls' dorm with Lily and Marlene." Which Meadow found utterly exciting, as it meant – as far as she was concerned – I was friends with the popular kids now, meaning she was too, by default. I wanted nothing to do with any of them.

Remus returned to lessons three days after the full moon, and came crashing into DADA with Sirius and James. Peter was in a different class, as he wasn't as… advanced, let's say, as some of us. The new professor, Professor Atkinson, was a stern man who'd introduced a seating plan to "help us concentrate". The boy-girl-boy-girl pattern left Meadow sat with James Potter, and me with Remus. Brilliant. I ignore him as I sit, and he seems content to do the same. I suppose he's still angry at me for calling him a monster. Atkinson tells us to turn to page 143 on our new, advanced O.W.L. books, and my stomach turns at the picture on the page. A body, torn to shreds, with flesh hanging all over the place, and the caption below reads "Aftermath of a werewolf attack on a middle-aged man in Gloucester, year 1959."

The page is overflowing with comments about how dangerous werewolves are, and how certain death comes to anyone who is caught under attack. Remus and I sit in silence for the majority of the lesson, until Professor Atkinson adds his own comment to the blackboard: "Werewolves are dangerous creatures who should be avoided and exiled for one's own safety." I couldn't take anymore. I stood up. Every pair of eyes in the room turned to me.

"Going somewhere, Miss Smith?" questioned Atkinson.

"Yes, actually. If all you're going to do is stand there and teach us prejudiced lies about people you don't understand, then I'll get just as good an 'education' not in this room." I raise an eyebrow challengingly.

"I understand werewolves perfectly, Miss Smith. They are not people. They are monsters. Now sit down immediately and stop disrupting my lesson, or I'll be forced to give you detention and take twenty points from Ravenclaw."

"Feel free." I seethe. "But I think you're more of a monster than any werewolf I've ever met. I hope you get bitten someday, and then perhaps you'll see just how damaging the shit you come out with is." And with that, I flounced out of the room, slamming the door behind me with all my might.

 **Hope you all enjoyed that chapter! Hello and massive thank you to all readers, but especially to this story's first follower, Thelastfewtimestoremember, and first favourite, Mina1999. I'm definitely going to try and update this as often as possible, but as a 15 y/o British schoolkid, I have GCSEs on the horizon and homework piling up, so motivate me with a review! I'd really like at least one before I add a new chapter; just let me know you guys are reading and enjoying what I'm doing, and feel free to give me any suggestions :) PS I got the name Atkinson from an old teacher of mine I didn't like aha!**

 **PPS Next chapter will come with a link to the playlist I've made to go with the story, it's kind of a mix of songs that I think Star would like, and also songs that match the tone. Feel free to leave any song suggestions in your review, I can always add more if I agree with your choice!**


	4. 4 - Lakes and Libraries

After my little rant, I stormed away to my favourite place for some headspace: the library. I collected some large hardbacks and piled them up on either side of my elbows, resting on the desk. They worked like blinkers on a horse, I couldn't see any faces, and no one else could see mine. To a student walking past, I may have looked calm and collected, but inside I was furious! How dare that bloody Atkinson stroll in and spew such crap about an affliction he evidently has no understanding of?

I was too busy struggling to control my heavy breathing and coming up with a thousand ways to kill that awful Professor, that I didn't realise I was surrounded on all angles by Marauders until it was too late. I heard a deep voice clear his throat and looked up into the spectacled eyes of Potter.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?" I groaned quietly, closing my eyes and squishing my face in my hands. I looked at Black. "It's no surprise that you're a dog, the way you cock your head at me all the time. It's quite unnerving, you know." I furrowed my brows and glared at him as I spoke.

"I'm trying to figure out your game, Smith." Black responded, and for once, I believed he was actually being truthful. "You call Remus a monster, then defend him to Atkinson. Not just that, but you – a goody-two-shoes, know-it-all Ravenclaw – lost house points to do so. Why?" I let out a sharp breath, flaring my nostrils.

"I think you'll find I wasn't defending Lupin. I was defending werewolves in general." Black's assumption was understandable, I supposed, but I didn't understand why he cared so much. I'd promised to keep their stupid secret; couldn't they just leave me alone?

Potter chuckled, then replied, "I think you'll find that you said, and I quote, _you're more of a monster than any werewolf I've ever met_. I doubt you know that many." He looked as though he might say more, but a quiet, velveteen voice behind me caused me to turn my head the other way.

"You called me a monster, Star. You can't say that, and then act as though you're on the werewolves' side." I saw more hurt than anger in his eyes, and almost crumpled, but I knew I couldn't. I had bigger secrets to keep, and (if it came to it) I would out Remus to protect them. I stood up and walked forward until I was as close to him as I could appropriately be, hoping to look intimidating. However, although – being tall at 5 foot 9 – this usually worked on girls, against Remus' muscular 6 foot 2, I looked frail and small.

"I called you a monster because you are one." I turned and motioned to the other three. "You all are! Since the day we sat in the Great Hall with the sorting hat on our heads, you four decided to make a mockery of me, hurt me physically and verbally, make everyone hate me. Why? What did I ever do to any of you?" I didn't wait for a reply. "So yes, Remus, I think you're a monster. But it's not what you _are_ that makes you that way, it's what you _do_. And you did wrong." Ignoring Madam Pince's vicious glare, I flounced away for the second time that day.

…

Later, in the Common Room, Meadow came skipping in. I hadn't felt like going to dinner. A look of excitement was plastered onto her kind features, and I couldn't help but smile. I'd never know why a heart as kind as Meadow's hadn't ended up in Hufflepuff, but I supposed it was because the heart was no match for her brilliant mind when it came to problem solving and impromptu therapy sessions. Unfortunately, there were some things even Meadow couldn't help me with.

"What's with the smile?" I asked light-heartedly, raising my arched, dark eyebrow. Meadow sat on my legs on the chaise lounge.

"Star, you'll never guess what everyone was talking about in the hall!" she squealed quietly. I stifled a laugh at her hyper-ness.

"What?" She smiled at me. "Tell me, Meadow!"

She let out a happy sigh. "Apparently, Dumbledore and McGonagall were walking past our DADA class at the time of your little… Outburst, shall we call it? But, anyway, they thought you were totally right and gave old Atkinson an official warning not to let his opinions seep into his teaching. Not just that, but they gave you 100 points for it!" I smiled at Meadow, but inside, my stomach was making leaps. If everyone knew I'd stuck up for werewolves, it'd be no time now until it was decided either I was a werewolf, or worse, my family were werewolves. It was common knowledge that my dad had disappeared to the other side of the world last February, rumours would start. I couldn't let that happen.

Later that night, after absent-mindedly munching my way through a book, with Tybalt curled up gracelessly on my stomach, I decided I needed some air. Ignoring the fact that it was 2 in the morning, and I was wearing a short denim skirt with a yellow polo tucked in, I crept out of the door, Tybalt padding silently next to my bare feet. I wandered aimlessly for a while, until I found myself down one of the passages I'd found during third year. It was hidden behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy and led to the big oak next to the lake. As I emerged from between the roots of the tree, I noticed a figure, crouched by the lake, lit gently by the moon.

Tybalt swaggers off, obviously pleased to be out here. Cautiously, I crept towards the figure, who either didn't notice me or didn't care, until my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and in front of me I saw messy, light brown hair, resting neatly on a burgundy, worn-out, knitted jumper. In front of me was Remus. I coughed gently, to alert him of my presence.

"Oh, Smith, it's you. Nearly gave me a heart attack, although I suppose you probably would've enjoyed it. I'd deserve it too." He turned back to the moonlit lake. I sat down next to him.

"I wouldn't have enjoyed it. I may not like you very much, but I'd never wish death on anyone, even Voldemort." Saying his name sent shivers down my spine and tingling through my arms and legs, but I wasn't afraid to say his name, or to die.

Remus seemed to notice my lack of clothing. "Bloody hell, Star, what are you doing out here without a jumper? Or shoes, for that matter? You must be freezing!" Concern flashed across his face, and (for a brief moment) I thought perhaps he wasn't as bad as I'd believed. I looked up at the clear, autumn sky, stars littered across the darkness.

"Mm, don't really notice, to be honest. I like having nature near me." I chuckled. "When I was younger, my Dad used to say we should have named me something from the Earth, not the sky, given that I like it so much, but then it would get dark and I'd sneak out my bedroom window to sit on the garage roof and just look at the stars, the moon. I used to think they were so beautiful; Dad would say they were my namesakes, not the other way around. They were my stars, shining for me." My smile faded. "He taught me nearly every constellation in the sky, but all I was ever interested in was the moon. The way it could light the night-time, glisten, glow – I thought it was fascinating."

I paused, and looked at Remus, who was watching me intently. "And now?" He prompted gently.

"Now, I despise it." I replied simply, watching the way the green in his eyes melted into brown at the edges, like moss clinging to the bark of a tree. Remus didn't ask why. Deep down I knew he knew.

And for the first time, I didn't care.

For the first time, I thought I might be friends with Remus Lupin.

 **Hi everyone! Massive thanks to Mina1999, Raven That Flies at Night and G for reviewing, glad you're enjoying the story! And to all followers and favouriters, thank you so much for the support!**

 **I think what I love about this is that these chapters are unedited, unplanned, you're reading it exactly as it flooded from my overstimulated mind. So I'm just like you in that I don't know what will happen in the next chapter of Star's life, but I'm excited to find out. For this reason, however, if you're one of these people who have incredible One-Shot, story or OC ideas, but no time to write with them, let me know in a review or PM, and I'll see if I can incorporate them int this - giving you full credit, of course!**

 **Now, as promised, I have a playlist on Spotify fot this story now! I listen to it every time I write a new chapter aha, and I hope you guys like the songs as much as I do! The link is: . /pl/5BJh0ShrmW72xVN1mfecGP?si=IRFDXf0gTJ2OLdzediN9Ww**

 **It worked when I entered it into google on my phone, but not my laptop, so I think it only works on mobile devices?**

 **Keep reading and reviewing, thanks, from DaughterofOrion x**


	5. 5 - Tree Top Truths

I woke curled up on the common room sofa, soft embers of last night's fire still glowing in the hearth. I wasn't cold, however, as I was snuggled up inside a large, burgundy jumper. Remus's jumper. I didn't remember walking back to the Tower this morning – the last thing I could recall was leaning back into clovers and pointing out the different constellations: Cygnus, Cassiopeia, Pegasus… I must have fallen asleep out there, which means – oh Merlin – Lupin must have carried me back to the common room! Of course he'd have the brains to get past the enchanted knocker: the hair-twizzling, makeup-overloading fourth years always talk about how he could easily have been Ravenclaw.

I checked my gold watch, the only thing of my father's I still own, and see that it's 6:30am. That explains how empty the common room is, we Ravenclaws enjoy a lie in on a Saturday. My mind is whirring like a broken car, trying to start, so I decide to go for a walk to clear my head. Merlin knows I have a lot to think about, like how I'm going to explain away my strong feelings on the injustices faced by werewolves. Perhaps I could say that I met one when I was younger, who was nice? Or maybe I could say I read an article about the realities of the affliction and found it to be very thought-provoking? Somehow, I'm not sure either of those would be very convincing.

Cool air blasts my hair into a frenzy around my face, and chills me through my coat and trousers. I stroll through the grounds and past Hagrid's hut until I reach the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and tiptoe in. I like the trees, and the nature that skirt the edges of the forest, and I ensure that I never go in too deep: I wouldn't want to be lost in here when night falls. Finding a tree with nice, low branches, I precariously clamber up until I've positioned myself in a nice v-shaped curve. From this height, I could see birds peeking out of nests, singing a morning song. I decide to join in, with an old Celtic song called 'The Parting Glass'. The melancholy tune carried through the forest and whistled through the leaves.

"That's a pretty song." Came a voice from beneath me, and I jumped so much I almost fell from the tree. "I was at Hagrid's, and I heard you singing. Good ears, I guess."

Here he was, the werewolf himself, climbing up with such ease I was almost jealous. He positioned himself opposite me and smiled.

"I see you decided to wear clothes this time?" I watched as the skin around his eyes creased with his widening grin. I smiled back.

"Yes, I suppose I did. Thank you, for lending me the jumper, and for – I'm assuming – carrying me back to the Common Room." I look away, feeling suddenly awkward.

"It's fine, you hardly weigh anything!" Remus replies cheerfully, but stops and concern seeps its way into his green orbs. "What's wrong, Star? You seem agitated."

I turn back to him, brows creased, and speak so quietly it's barely audible. "How do you do it? Keep it a secret, and dispel rumours when they arise?" Remus took a deep breath.

"You think they're going to talk. Because of what you said to Atkinson. You think they'll find out about your dad – "

"My dad?" I interrupted questioningly.

Remus paused, and looked at me sideways. "Yes, he's like me, isn't he? That's why he went away. But you don't have to protect him, Star. No-one who matters will judge you for it."

"My father's nothing like you. He's a coward and an utter bastard who cares for no-one except himself. He can burn in Hell for all I care. And I couldn't give a damn what people think of me if I tried, but I have to protect him. That's why I learnt latching. Because I couldn't let him do it alone, and I can't let him be ostracized because of something that isn't his fault."

Tears glistened in my eyes, prickling them; my best efforts couldn't stop them this time. "He's so good, Remus. He never complains, never cries, he does his best with it but he's so small and fragile and I have to keep him safe, Remus. I have to do for him what my father was too selfish to do: pave him a safe life, even if it costs my own. I have to, I owe him that much."

Droplets of rain began to drip from the sky, mixing with tears on my face, and resting gently in my hair. Remus reached out and rested a large, scarred hand on my arm. "Who, Star?" He murmured gently. "Who do you have to protect?" I chewed the inside of my lip, and I tasted the metallic flavour of blood gloss over my tongue. I took a shaky breath.

"Arlo." I muttered, my voice breaking, as a new wave of sobs wracked my body. "My brother. He's ten. In another year, he'll be here, and I can't have people know. They'll ruin him. He's so perfect, Remus, they can't taint him for what he is for one night. They can't blame him for something that's my fault." I cried uncontrollably, feeling Remus's arms fold around my shaking body.

"Oh, Star. I'm so, so sorry." His breath was hot on my neck, and his arms offered a sense of security I'd been without for nine months now. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault, I'm sure no-one blames you." I let out a bitter laugh, almost a bark.

"We left school for Christmas on the 8th of December last year. On Monday the 10th, it was the full moon. Arlo woke me in the middle of the night, saying he'd had a nightmare that someone was scratching at his window, trying to get in, howling in pain. I told him it was just a dream and offered to take him out to look at the moon and the stars to calm him down. When we were halfway back to the house, I realised I'd left my scarf, and told Arlo to sit on a log and wait for me to come back."

I stopped and pulled back from Remus's embrace to look him in the eye. "When I did, there was a huge beast standing over him. I scared it away with magic, but it was too late. Mother snapped my wand and told the Ministry I'd lost it to avoid the court case, and had her sister send me a new one from France. We did everything to make it go away for me, but there was no saving Arlo. By February, my father decided he couldn't take it anymore and left for Australia; he left a letter behind, where he told me it was my fault, and my mess to clear up. So, I started researching, and found an article about latching, and how it could be used to tame werewolves, so I tried it. I taught it to my mother for when I'm not around, but I'm better at it than she is. And it's my responsibility anyway, after what I did."

I looked down, knowing Remus would be angry at me for causing so much pain to a child so young. His hand found my chin and tilted it so I was forced to look into his eyes.

"Star…" He began, his eyes glinting gold against the speckled sun and rain. "It's not your fault. You didn't know, you can't blame yourself. You've done everything you can to help your brother, and I'm sure if he knew you were doing this to yourself, he'd beg you not to."

I opened my mouth to argue, but Remus shook his head. "I promise Star, having lived this life for eleven years, you made the last full moon the best I've ever had. It was like the wolf and I were living side by side, instead of having him tear through me. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't in pain, and that was all thanks to you."

I tried to smile, but I simply couldn't. "He wouldn't need me to do that for him if I hadn't left him alone in the first place." I whispered, not trusting my voice to be any louder.

"You don't know that. If there was a werewolf lurking, it could've got to you, or Arlo, or both of you. You can't focus on what you did or didn't do then, Star. It's what you do after that counts, and from the sound of it, you've done everything right." He smiled a sad smile and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"We should go," I said, and began climbing down the tree. He followed, then grabbed my wrist.

"I don't know yet what you can do if rumours spread but know that I'm always here if you need to talk. And I am thinking about ways to sort this." I nod and offer a weak smile.

"Thank you, Remus. Perhaps you aren't such a monster after all."

 **Hi everyone! If you haven't seen, England's been hit with a huge storm, so I've not been at school these past couple days due to knee high snow - we live on a farm, and we literally can't get the cars out! I'm preparing my Jack Nicholson face for when this turns into the Shining! I wrote this chapter curled up in a blanket in the barn, watching the snow coat the fields, trees and hills. Beautiful.**

 **So, Star's finally admitted her secret! What's Remus going to do with it? Hmm...Thank you everyone for the favourites, follows and reviews - please keep up the support, it's really encouraging and nice to see people enjoying my writing.**

 **Love as always, Daughter of Orion xox**


	6. 6 - Cousins and Confusions

Monday came sooner than I would have hoped, and I found myself buttering toast in the bustling Great Hall, when I noticed my dear cousin, seventh year Slytherin Evan Rosier, sauntering up to me. I groaned inwardly. My father was Evan's uncle by blood, but when he married my muggle mother, he was branded a blood-traitor and took her surname. Evan and I rarely spoke, but when we did? Let's just say it was never good news.

"Hello, half-breed." Evan sneered as he sat down sideways next to me, one leg on either side of the bench. "So, I hear you've been causing a bit of trouble, eh?" He leaned forward and breathed down my ear. "I always liked the naughty ones. Although, that said, defending foul, hairy, threatening creatures is never an attractive quality." He finished, leaning back again.

I looked at him coldly. "The only foul, hairy creature around here is your dick, Evan, and it's so small it's hardly a threat to anybody. And I wasn't defending it; don't flatter yourself." I stood to leave the hall, but Evan (not one to be shown up in front of his Slytherin slime-ball friends) followed me. Once we were out the hall, he snaked his arms around my waist and tugged at my neck with his teeth.

"Why don't you come with us to the dungeons, and you can see for yourself how small it is. Or not small, for that matter. Then, maybe we can talk about your punishment for speaking out of turn to poor Atkinson, and for defending werewolves. I think I know just the thing to set you straight." His hand slithered down to my bum, and I tried to step away, but his other arm remained firmly around my waist.

He laughed menacingly and began to tug me towards the nearest classroom. I struggled and tried to shout, but his hands were all over me, leaving me defenseless.

"Hey!" came a loud shout, and a chorus of heavy footsteps came crashing towards us. "Put her down, Rosier, or I swear to God you'll regret it." Black drew his wand as he spoke, and the other three Marauders followed suit. Evan seemed to notice as I did that all his goonies had run away, and his grip loosened just enough for me to lift my foot to his groin and dig my elbow into his ribs. He keeled over in pain and I stepped forward, letting out a sigh of relief.

"You little -" He began, reaching for me, but I turned and kicked him square in the face, causing his nose to start bleeding profusely. Potter, Black and Pettigrew looked impressed, but Remus's face still had concern etched all over it. No, that wasn't concern, I realised as I neared him. That was burning anger. We began to walk away, Potter clapping me on the back, when we noticed Remus moving forward to stand over Evan.

"Never. Go. Anywhere. Near. Her. Again. Ever!" Remus kicked Evan with every word, his voicing raising from a hiss to a roar. By the time he finished, I was by his side, slipping my hand into his. I knew what it was like to be blinded by anger, and sometimes only a touch can break the spell and bring you back to reality.

"Remus, don't. Just leave it, he's not worth it." Black came and tugged Remus away, a look saying "we'll talk later" on his face. I nodded once and set about cleaning Evan up a bit. He was unconscious and bleeding, but by the time I was done, he was just bruised. I was glad: I wanted him to have a few reminders of what would happen if he came near me again.

…...

I crashed into DADA as the clock struck 9am, meaning I wasn't late. I took my seat next to Remus, and scribbled a note:

 _You didn't have to do that. He'd already let me go. -S_

 ** _I don't care. He needs to learn he can't do that to people. To you. -R_**

I was stumped. I'd never seen Remus as a particularly violent person – even when the others would beat me up, he'd hang back shouting, or be so feeble I barely noticed compared to the likes of Sirius or James.

 _I know, but you went a bit over the top, don't you think? You kind of scared me a bit - it was like you were in an anger-trance or something. –S_

He looked at me, brow furrowed, and scribbled again.

 ** _I didn't mean to, I guess sometimes when I'm angry, the wolf takes control a bit. It's only happened that badly once before. –R_**

Curiosity began brewing inside me.

 _What happened the first time? –S_

 ** _I can't tell you, it's not my secret to spread. But I only ever get angry like that when the people I care most about are in danger. –R_**

Remus and I looked at each other. I was about to ask if that meant he cared about me when Atkinson slammed a pile of textbooks onto the desk in front of us.

"Well, Miss Smith?" He snarled, and I looked up at him, and then to the blank blackboard.

"I – I'm sorry, Professor, could you repeat the question?"

We completed the lesson in silence, and without passing any more notes. I needed to talk, but I couldn't say it to Remus in case I scared him, and I couldn't exactly wander up to any friends or Professors and enlighten them on the situation. I had two options, and one of them included trusting Black, Potter and Pettigrew more than I would ever want to, so that was out of the question.

I climbed the stairs of Ravenclaw Tower, ignoring the aching in my legs. When I reached the top, I found myself looking over a wait-high wall – the only thing between me and a 100ft drop.

"Helena?" I called, looking around.

"Miss Stella," She smiled, gently. "How may I be of service to you?"

I'd first come across the Grey Lady in second year, again avoiding mocking comments from my peers. She'd offered me comforting words and advice; she'd had been my friend ever since. She'd nick-named me Stella, telling me Star was a thing, not a name, but I could always rely on her for good advice when I had nowhere else to look: her mother's wisdom lived on inside her, even in death.

"I did something, and I think it's backfired awfully and I don't know what to do." I shook my head and began relaying the events of the past week to Helena, from finding out about Remus' lycanthropy to his notes in DADA this morning.

"And I know that latching was safe on my brother, because it just made the wolf feel the family connections. But Remus and I aren't related, so what if, like in the article, I made it believe I'm his mate?" I held my hands to my head as I paced. "I'm such an idiot. I must have done it wrong; it's supposed to wear off once he's back in human form. Oh, Merlin, what have I done?"

Helena placed a translucent hand on my shoulder, encouraging me to sit beside her. She took a deep, unnecessary breath and curved her soft features into a smile.

"Miss Stella, has it occurred to you, that perhaps Master Lupin may care about you?" My eyes widened. No, it couldn't be that – if it wasn't for me finding out his secret, he'd still hate me. They all would.

"That's impossible." I said firmly, shaking my head. "It's just the latching. It'll go away soon, I'm sure. Then it'll all go back to normal. Yes, that's what it is." I continued, though I knew Helena could see I was trying to convince myself, not her.

I thanked her and began the long walk back down the stairs and out of the common room. I'd missed most of my free period before lunch, so I decided to head out to the lake to read and distract my thoughts for a while.

Two chapters later, I heard shouting and laughter, and followed my ears until I saw an upside-down person, hanging in mid-air. Black hair hung down slickly, and the green-rimmed robes told me that this was Severus Snape, a quiet, studious boy in my year. We'd partnered together sometimes in Potions and Care of Magical Creatures (he excelled where I failed, and vice versa) and, although he kept himself to himself, he was a perfectly decent person.

Beneath him were the Marauders, laughing and jeering. Potter had his wand pointing at Snape and was obviously the one keeping him in the air, while the other three shot hexes and cruel words at him. Had they learnt nothing? They'd been forced to leave me alone, so now they were working on ruining Snape's life? I flared my nostrils and stormed forward, shoving Potter with all my might. I whipped my wand out to lower Snape gently, then flipped back round to the Marauders.

"How dare you?" I screamed, hitting Black square in the chest. "How cold are you? Who gave you the right to hurt people? To decide who's good and who isn't? Because from where I'm stood, Snape is better than the four of you combined." I spun on my heel and stormed away, dragging a bruised Severus behind me.

Once we reached the edge of the forest, I motioned for him to sit down. He leant against the tree as I worked on cleaning his cuts and reversing the hexes that had been placed upon him.

"Thank you, Smith." He said quietly, the tiniest smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"You don't have to thank me, Sev. I did what was right. What I should have done a long time ago." I stood. "Come on, we should go back to the castle. We're late for potions."

 **Phew, this is the longest chapter I've written so far! I meant to upload this last night, but we had some snapchat issues with an anonymous account being mean to girls at my school, so I was helping get that taken down.**

 **I really wanted to get Star to begin standing up to people more, like Evan and the Marauders. I also wanted to show how the people who have been bullied by the Marauders have almost bonded through those experiences; I hope you enjoyed it! As to Remus, has he started to care about her, or is it latching gone wrong? Who knows…** **?**

 **As always, please favourite, follow and review!**

 **Daughter of Orion xox**


	7. 7 - Quite a Few Discussions, Really

The Potions classroom was a dark, dank place with a pungent odour that never seemed to fade. All eyes turned as Snape and I walked in and took our seats on the second row, but I did my best to ignore them. The only eyes I noticed were grassy green and full of shame; I especially avoided contact with those for the entirety of the lesson.

"Ah, time's up! Everyone enjoy your evening!" chuckled the always-cheerful Professor Slughorn. "Oh, before I forget, may I see… I left a list here somewhere… Aha! Mr Black, Miss Evans, Mr Lupin, Mr Potter, Miss Smith and Mr Snape." Severus and I looked at each other questioningly but walked towards the front desk anyway.

"Now, you six are my top performers in Potions, and so I'd be delighted if you'd all come to my dinner party tomorrow night. You can each bring a date, if you'd like, or not, if you'd prefer! I'll be glad to see you all there!" He beamed, and as much as I disliked the idea of joining his 'Slug Club' as it was dubbed, I couldn't help but smile at the man's enthusiasm for his subject and his students.

"Of course, Professor. I'd love to come." I said politely, and the others followed suit. As we walked out of the room, I grabbed Severus by the sleeve.

"Sev, I was thinking, given that – if it wasn't for you I'd be failing Potions - you might be my 'date' for tomorrow." I said, doing little bunny-ear quotation marks with my fingers when I said "date". "Only as friends, like, but I'd be happy to sit with you, if that's OK?" I raised my eyebrows hopefully. The same miniscule smile from before graced his face.

"Of course, I'd be honoured Smith." He bowed mockingly and added frilly airs and graces, making me laugh.

"Perhaps, my dear sir," I replied, forcing my accent to sound posh and queen-like, "you might endeavour to address me by my first name, not last." I barely finished the sentence without laughing.

"Of course, milady, Star it is." He said, chuckling along, then bowing again. "Till morrow, then."

I curtseyed. "Till morrow."

….

I was in the library writing my Ancient Runes essay, when I felt a tap on the shoulder, timid as a raindrop in summer.

"Star?" whispered the tall boy behind me. I didn't turn around.

"What do you want, Remus?" I responded coolly, my quill in my hand, hovering over the parchment.

"To apologise. About earlier, you were right. We should leave Snape alone." I could hear the guilt dripping through his deep voice, but I wasn't going to be swayed by words. Words can be false; words can lie.

"Have you said this to Sev?" I lifted my head and turned in my seat to look up at him. In the dim lamplight, I could see the three scars that ran from his right eyebrow, over the bridge of his nose and down to the left of his chin more clearly: they looked red and raw. He tilted his grassy eyes down to the wooden floor.

"No, not yet. But I will, I promise." His head and shoulders slumped in shame, he raised his eyes to meet mine with a hopeful glint coating them.

"Actions speak louder than words, Lupin. Apologise to him, leave him alone, and maybe I'll think about being friends." I collected my books and headed back to the Common Room.

….

I devoured a book in bed that night, twinkly lights twined around the bedframe. I rose and looked out of the window: stars shone on a palette of deep blues and purples swirling into one another, like pearls floating in dark waters. Trees swayed gently, coloured leaves turned black in the darkness, and the occasional leaf drooped and fell – a feather drifting through the sky. Clear nights like these always made me miss home; Arlo loved the stars, and they make me feel close to him, even though I'm not.

I nudged Tybalt, waking him, and pulled on a jumper from the floor, floppy and red, hiding my t shirt and denim shorts. It looked as though I was wearing only the jumper, but I wasn't particularly bothered: it wasn't as though I was going to see anyone this far past curfew. The wooden floors creaked softly under my feet as I slipped through the corridors and out the passageway.

I smiled breathlessly when I emerged from the ground, taking in the scene before me. It was one I'd seen a thousand times, but it never failed to amaze me just how gorgeous the landscape of Hogwarts was at night. Students slept, but nature woke: rabbits and foxes sprinted around the lake; owls swooped low, looking for prey; occasionally even the centaurs would venture out of the forest, though I'd only met them once in my five years at Hogwarts. Majestic creatures, they were proud and certain, but also respectful and hold the strong belief that all creatures and people are equal. I like that philosophy.

Suddenly tired, I collapsed to the floor by the lake, stretching my legs out to dip my toes in the cold, crystal waters. I lay back, head on my hands, and sighed contentedly. I was so entranced by the sky that I felt as though I was a muggle astronaut, floating weightlessly in the sky, surrounded by serenity. I could feel a smile set softly on my face, and I could hear the autumn leaves crinkling in the wind: September was nearly over now, meaning the cool, dark evenings and crisp, chilly mornings would soon be commonplace. It also meant the full moon was fast approaching – a week tomorrow, Tuesday the first of October. I pushed that into the furthest corner of my mind and built an unbreakable brick wall around it; I wouldn't let those thoughts seep back into me, poisoning my every waking moment as well as my dreams.

The dreams had been more common lately – I assumed because with the events of last month I'd struggled to push lycanthropy out of my head… The feeling that used to rent the pit of my stomach one night a month had now moved in full time, leaving me in a constant state of suspended apprehension. It scared me that (with Lupin's secret burdened on me too) I no longer had the escape from lycanthropy that I had these past few months. Karma's a bitch, I suppose.

"Who's a bitch?" came a voice from behind me, causing me to snap my eyes open and sit bolt upright. I hadn't realised I'd been chanting it out loud. A boy came to sit beside me, rolling his trouser legs up and removing his shoes and socks to join me with his feet in the lake.

"Y'know they say a giant squid will eat anyone who touches the water at night?" chuckled Sirius, reclining back onto his forearms.

"Believable story." I muttered, looking out across the vast expanse of gleaming water.

"That's Remus' jumper." Black said, nodding towards my body with his dark brows raised. I sighed.

"I know. It was next to my bed." Seeing the look in Black's eyes, I hurriedly corrected myself. "He lent it to me when he found me out here last week. Not what's going through your dirty mind, Black." I tried to keep a straight face but ended up mindlessly giggling with Sirius, until we faded into silence.

"I'm sorry, about what we did to Snape. Wasn't cool." His voice shattered through the thin veil of quiet. "We apologised to him, called a truce. Remus' idea."

I turned to look Black in the eye. "Good. I hope you're a man of your word." I replied sternly. He nodded once and lay his head down on the grass. I followed suit.

"He likes you, y'know." Sirius kept his head pointed to the sky as I turned mine to face him. "He'll never admit it, but he thinks you're pretty far out."

"I'd like to think all my friends think I'm far out." I smirked, cockiness not something people expect from me, even as a joke. Black turned to face me, one eyebrow raised.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it." He said quietly. I sighed, setting my jaw slightly.

"Can't we just, like, not talk about it? Can't we just watch the stars for a while?"

And so we did, until the sun rose and a new day dawned.

 **Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long since the last upload - I've been so busy with school, but I'll always try my best to upload frequently.**

 **Special thanks to Raven That Flies at Night for your continual support and reviews - I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! Everyone keep favouriting, following and reviewing; it really helps me see whether people want to read this or not, and helps me plan how long this might get, that all depends on you guys!**

 **So, is Sirius being honest? Will Sev forgive them? How will the Slug Club meeting go?** **Find out in the next chapter!**

 **Love as always, Daughter of Orion xox**


	8. 8 - Severus and the Slug Club

As always, Meadow was more excited than I was about events that were occurring in my life and not hers. She'd been rooting through my closet (and hers, and the other girls' in our dorms, and even one of the fourth years') obsessing over what I would wear, and how we would style my hair, and how we would do my makeup. It was very much a "we" thing.

"Meadow!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "It's a Slug Club meeting, not a ball! Does it really matter? I could go in a potato sack and no one would notice." She narrowed her eyes at me.

"No one except, oh, I don't know, your new Gryffindor friends? Come on Star, wouldn't it be nice if we could be popular just for a while?" She stuck her bottom lip out and blinked her widened eyes. I sighed, trying not to laugh.

"Fine. I will let you dress me up like your own human mannequin, but you owe me a chocolate frog next Hogsmeade trip." I concluded with a giggle.

"Deal." Smiled Meadow, and she dived back into the pile of fabrics on the floor. I shook my head, laughing.

….

I checked the gold watch wrapped bulkily around my wrist to see that it was quarter to six. Knowing I had only fifteen minutes to find Severus and get to the meeting, I thanked Meadow and dashed out of the Tower. I sprinted through the bustling corridors until I saw Sev, reclined on a battered wooden bench. He stood when he saw me, straightening his black suit – no, not black, I realised as I neared him. It was the darkest blue I'd ever seen; it reminded me of clear winter nights, when the sky was clear and dark. He smiled at me and held out his arm. Wordlessly I took it, and we sauntered through the halls until we arrived outside Slughorn's door.

"Ready?" I asked, putting on a smile. I still wasn't entirely sure why I hadn't just declined the Professor's invite in the first place, but at least I was here with a friend. Severus nodded, jaw set and teeth gritted, and together we strode through the door.

In front of us was a large dining table with mismatched chairs scattered around the edges, very tightly packed next to one another. An ornamental pot sat in the middle, soup bubbling inside, and small bread rolls circling it. Various plates of cold meat and pastries littered the stained tablecloth, with the occasional vegetable dotted in between the chaos of food. Oddly, the setup reminded me of home: my mother's 'organised mess' as she called it covered my house in colourful (though rarely matching) bits and bobs. Severus and I sat down at the table, next to a few sixth years.

A loud rumpus sounded the arrival of the Marauders, just as I'd expected. Sirius, then Remus, then James came clattering through the door and collapsed breathlessly into their seats, shirts un-tucked and suit jackets crumpled. Lily, calm and collected as always, followed daintily, her light green tea-dress complementing her flame-red hair perfectly.

Lily was one of those girls who was just effortlessly gorgeous, but in a smiley, friendly way. Her personality was even prettier than her face (and that was a difficult feat) and so really, it was no wonder that Potter had been obsessed with her since first year. Everyone knew, just like everyone knew that she not-so-secretly liked him back, though she was too stubborn to ever admit it. However, it seemed he'd convinced her to come with him tonight, as she sat herself on his right, and offered a warm smile in his direction.

After a brief speech, Slughorn invited us all to dig in, and so plates were passed, and portions exchanged until we'd all had our fair share of the feast. After, he disappeared into a cupboard for a considerable amount of time and reappeared dragging a small mahogany trolley with a muggle record player sat on top. He played a record that I recognised to be David Bowie, and we all danced.

I looked up at Sev as we danced, about to say something, when I realised he wasn't looking at me. Rather, he was discreetly looking over my shoulder at the person behind me. Lily. I coughed softly, bringing his gaze back over to me, and said something about going to grab another glass of punch. He didn't follow. My eyes glued over my shoulder, I didn't notice Remus in front of me until I walked directly into him. We'd silently called a truce in DADA today, seeing as he'd apologised and began to make it up to Severus.

"Oh, I'm really sorry. Clumsy and distracted, I guess." I murmured, looking at the ground.

"It's all right, no harm done." He smiled as I lifted my face upwards. Sev walked over to join us, apparently broken from his Lily-trance. Remus continued, "You look beautiful tonight, by the way." I laughed.

"Meadow. She bribed me." His eyes creased into a smile.

"With what, may I ask?" he guffawed, and I bit my lip, embarrassed.

"Chocolate. It's my guilty pleasure." As I spoke, Remus' eyes lit up.

"Mine too!" A cough from behind ended our conversation abruptly. Sev held out his arm.

"Care to dance?" he asked politely, eyeing Remus with suspicion. I nodded, and took his hand, letting him lead me in a slow waltz. Even now, his eyes traced her movements instead of mine. I tried to remember that I'd told him this was as friends, and therefore I had no right to be possessive, but still. I'd come with him, she'd come with James, couldn't we leave it that way, just for tonight?

….

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your common room." Severus held out his arm. I took it, and together we walked out into the courtyard. The stars glistened like tiny pearls sewn onto some midnight fabric, embroidering the sky with gentle light. I sighed contentedly, looking up.

"They're so serene, aren't they?" I smiled, turning towards Sev. His eyes were locked with mine.

"Yes, they are." He breathed. Softly, Sev encased my lips within his, two fingers gently tilting my chin upwards towards his. His other hand hovered over the small of my back; as he brought it closer, I pulled away.

"Sev…" I whispered. "We can't do this." I looked up at his solemn face, eyebrows drawing together, but understanding in his eyes. "I've seen how you look at her… Lily. She's the one you want." He gave a tiny nod.

"And you?" He said, looking me in the eye. "It's Lupin for you, isn't it?" I shrugged, a miniscule smile tugging at my lips.

"I don't know. All I know is that I want to be friends with you, no matter what." I held my hand out to shake his. He took it in his, leant over and kissed the back of it whilst bowing.

"Of course, my lady." He smiled, and a small laugh escaped my lips. I curtseyed, and – side by side – we began walking back to Ravenclaw Tower.

 **So, she's practically admitted it now – but will she have the guts to tell Remus?**

 **THANK YOU FOR 1000 READS! Never thought I'd get that many in under a month! Sorry about being so slow with this update, I had a lot of coursework to catch up on, and (as much as I wish it could be the other way around) my school work comes before my fanfic-writing.**

 **That said, reviews, favourites and follows are great motivators as it lets me know people are enjoying the story, and can give me fresh ideas to use for future chapters. It'd be great if \i could get at least two or three before I update again.**

 **Happy reading, Daughter of Orion xox**


	9. 9 - Tuesday, 1 October, 1974

**Hi everyone! I want to start this chapter off with a HUGE apology for being so inactive for so long. I was going through a bad time, but that's all over now and I hope I can update more frequently for you guys! I felt a sudden urge to write and this chapter appeared on my screen in no time – and I posted it so quick it's not even gone by my awesome beta, Raven That Flies At Night!**

 **On a more positive note, I was overjoyed to return and find this has over 1500 reads now, I mean wow; thank you all so much for sticking with me. And now on to the chapter! Favourite, follow and review please!**

 **Love Daughter of Orion xoxo**

The following few days passed uneventfully. Parchments were scribbled on, lessons were learned, and (for me, at least) life was blissfully simplistic. However, I knew from my knowledge of the skies, as well as Remus' obvious agitation, that the full moon was not far away. Each night, it rounded out more and more, like a striking white ball being inflated breath by breath, night by night, and my anxiety grew with it.

On the morning of the full moon I wandered into the Great Hall for breakfast, only to be ushered to the side by Potter, Pettigrew and Black. They dragged me behind a suit of armour and began to talk in hushed voices.

"It's the full moon tonight." Pettigrew began.

"No shit, Sherlock, thanks for the reminder." I rolled my eyes playfully, a smirk pulling at my mouth as though a piece of string was tied to either end. Peter scowled, and Potter took over for his less intelligent friend.

"We meet in Gryffindor Common Room at last light of day. The Fat Lady's password is 'Nimblesticks'." We locked eyes for a moment, brown on brown, until Sirius coughed gently.

"That is, assuming you're planning on doing whatever it was you did last time?" He murmured, a look of urgency darkening his grey orbs, flecking them with black. I nodded.

"Of course, I'll help. I'll be there. I just need an excuse to shut Meadow up." I pondered for a moment, before Pettigrew's eyes lit up and he toddled off into the hall, bringing bookish Gryffindor Leda Alsort over. I'd worked on a few school projects with Leda, she was kind and always saw good in people. Perhaps that's why she seemed to be so close with Peter.

"Leda," Pettigrew began, "If anyone asks, Star's sleeping in the Prefect dorm with you tonight to work on a project, but really, she's working on something with us. A prank – a really good one!" I was surprised at how believable Peter could be when he put his mind to it; maybe his idiocy is more of an act?

Leda raised a mousy blonde eyebrow above the thin frame of her glasses, before a smile settled over her round, freckled face.

"OK," she began, "as long as you promise you won't lose us too many house points. The year's barely begun and already Slytherin and Ravenclaw and bounding ahead, the swines. No offense, Star." She glanced at me.

"None taken." I assured her, chuckling, before she returned to her bench at the Gryffindor table.

"Wow, Pete, that was actually pretty impressive! You sure there's not stuff you lie to us about, eh?" Sirius laughed, elbowing Peter in the ribs. He turned a shade of deep scarlet, and Black, Potter and I exchanged knowing glances. Leda and Peter would make a cute couple: both small, quiet, and where Leda's quick wit would make up for Peter's slowness, his impeccable comedic timing and sense of humour would complement her wallflower-y dullness. Together, they'd make a perfect pair. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if Remus and I could be that compatible.

…

I skipped dinner that evening, deciding instead to nibble on some dry bread whilst looking out the window, watching as the sun set. I always found it pleasing how Ravenclaw Tower was facing westward, allowing me to spend my evenings marvelling and the most beautiful sunsets. Golds poured into reds and pinks and exploded across the sky in a million shades, filling my vision with gentle fireworks of light, before the dark crept through and took its sinister hold of the sky.

"It's time." I whispered to myself, grabbing my floppy wool jumper off the floor: really it was my Dad's, but it's not like he has use for warm clothes in Australia, and I don't know his address to send it to him. I scampered across the corridors to the portrait of the Fat Lady. She peered at me closely, before sneering.

"That jumper is awfully ugly, my child. Before you enter, you may want to consider changing." I rolled my eyes at her vanity and posh accent, before grumbling "Nimblesticks." The portrait sighed and opened.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but after stepping into Gryffindor common room, I was taken aback. Crimson and gold velvet were weaved into throws slung over soft, leather sofas; large flags and tapestries were draped proudly over brick walls and a dusty record player lay enchanted in the corner, filling the air with a muggle song I recognised but couldn't name. A fire roared in the mantle keeping the room cosy and warm – selfishly, I almost wished I could stay here for real tonight.

"You came!" beamed Potter, bounding towards me. The common room was empty, as everyone else was at dinner.

"I did, but we don't have much time. We should probably go. Where's Remus and the others?" I looked around but couldn't see them anywhere.

"They went a different way: we're less likely to be followed if we go separately. We'll take the statue route." Potter responded matter-of-factly, but I was intrigued. There were other ways in? Were there more secret tunnels leading to other parts of the castle? How did the Marauders find them? I shook the questions out of my head, we had more important things going on than the geography of the castle.

"Let's go." I said, and James led the way through the halls and tunnel and down into the Shrieking Shack. A draft of freezing air hit us as we walked in, and the place was even danker and darker than I remembered. Remus was pacing up and down the small room. Shirtless. Hands raised to his face, muttering to himself, I saw how the muscles on his back ripples like a Mexican wave of flesh; harsh red lines carved into him like prehistoric cave markings, each one telling its own story. I gulped.

"Remus," I began gently. His head shot to me, only now realising my presence, and he suddenly looked smaller, self-conscious and scared. "It's time." He nodded, and walked towards me, kneeling until his claves rested on the dusty stone floor. I sat facing him and took his face in my hands, praying that this would work, and that last time wasn't just a fluke.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted his chin and looked into his eyes. My mind filled with images of trees and forests, lakes and stars, cliffsides and beaches and I channelled them into him with all my might. I knew this was different than with Arlo, more powerful, when my fingertips tingled with magic. I could hear my voice, whispering, but it sounded a million miles away like a ghost's. My vision faded and phosphenes glimmered in all corners of my sight; all I could see were two green eyes full of goodness and hurt burning into me with such incredible intensity and power. Inside of me, it was like all internal and external conflict had been swiftly eradicated and replaced with an indescribable tranquillity that made me want to smile and cry at the same time. I was overwhelmingly happy, and then I felt it.

The pain.

Oh God, the pain.

It was as though every atom in my body was being drowned in napalm, as though every fibre of me being was being licked by flames. My vision blurred, darkness claiming all corners of my sight, threatening to whisk me off into the bliss of unconsciousness, but each time, a new wave of paralysing agony swept over me, bringing those gorgeous green orbs back into focus. It was like my body was no longer part of me, or perhaps I was no longer a part of myself. All I was, all I needed to be, was able to look into those eyes. They saw me and they saw us and they saw all the torturous pain and they held me like a prisoner locked onto that strong gaze and I couldn't look any longer and I couldn't look away and the pain and those eyes and the pain and the…

I heard growling when I woke, and felt a protective anger burning inside of me. I sat, and saw Remus stood over me, warning the others away. Blood was pouring into my left eye and I couldn't see out of it. I touched it gingerly and a knife stabbed me through the face. I whipped my hand away and cried out in pain. Remus whipped his head round in a snarl, but immediately relaxed his features when he saw me. His tensed muscles drooped; he collapsed into the floor next to me, his head resting in my lap, my tears and blood dripping into his tawny fur.

After a while, the pain subsided, and we awaited the sunrise with anticipation. When it finally came, I watched and felt as Remus' bones cracked back into place, but the pain was nothing on the prior evening's. He looked up at me and a look of pure horror crossed his face.

"Oh god. What have I done? Your eye, I… I…. What did I do?" Urgency bled through his eyes and he tried to sit up and find his wand. Sirius came up to me and grabbed my chin, muttering some foreign charm under his breath whilst pointing his wand at my face. James cleared his throat.

"Moony, calm down. Moony, mate, it's fine – Remus!" He shouted suddenly, making me jump and flinch as anguish tore through my face again. "She did it to herself, it wasn't you. Just breathe, all right?"

I was confused. I'd done this to myself? James saw the confusion in my eyes and said, "You were in like a trance or something, muttering to yourself, but then you started shouting about eyes and green and wanting to look away. You grabbed that piece of glass," he pointed to a shard of broken mirror on the floor, "and tried to cut your eye out. Peter and Sirius held you back whilst I stopped Remus from going awol, but you'd already sliced from your eyebrow to your chin."

Sirius leaned back as James finished. "All done." He said. "Pretty nasty scar, but there's not much we can do about that, I'm afraid." Gingerly, I traced where I could feel the strip of scar tissue bulging out of my face. I crept over to the mirror on the floor in the corner and looked. From just above my left eyebrow, running over my nose and down my right cheek, stopping at my jawline, was a red gash, shiny and raw. I gasped quietly, determined not to cry in front of the boys, and stepped back, unsuccessfully attempting to blink away tears.

"Hey, it's not so bad." James said comfortingly, putting his hand on my shoulder. Peter hugged me, gently like a brother, letting me rest my forehead on his shoulder.

"Yeah, it makes you look like a warrior princess – that's cool!" he added. Sirius smiled and nodded. Only Remus seemed to agree with me, looking at the scar unblinking, his eyes full of sadness and shock. I walked towards him.

"You did that to yourself, for me. You ruined yourself, for me. I'm so, so sorry, Star." He turned, looking up to the ceiling, obviously being more successful than I was in the not crying department.

"It's not your fault, Remus. Hey, so what if I'm a bit uglier now. What do I care? It'll keep the creeps away, that's for sure, eh?" I smiled half-heartedly. His eyebrows furrowed, and he looked back at me.

"Don't say that." He said gruffly. "You're not ugly, ever. You're the most incredible person I've ever met, you'll always be beautiful to me."

And with that, he cupped my chin in his calloused hands and kissed me.

 **yay finally going somewhere with the remus/star pairing! And this is the longest chapter I've ever written to make up for being so inactive! Hope you enjoyed, please review x see you soon for chapter 10 :)**


	10. 10 - The Kiss

His kiss was thunder. All the hot and cold between us colliding like solid metal into a brick wall: crashing, crumbling, falling. I felt myself melting, my frozen walls – built upon foundations of self-preservation and fear – collapsing in on themselves as the storms inside me raged at them. Warmth pulsed from my chest out down my arms and feet, spilling out of my fingers and toes into the ground as though I'd been struck by a Remus-shaped lightning bolt.

He tasted like trees (not that I go around licking trees, but he tasted the way forests smell, especially after storms. His taste emulated Earth almost as much as his mere existence did) and chocolate blended perfectly into something I could only describe as Remus. I'd kissed a few boys before: Monty Fryer had taken me to Hogsmeade in second year – he was my first kiss – but this was different. This was… Real. For the first time, I understood how the moon must feel, trapped in rotation around the Earth, never being able to pull back long enough to leave. In that moment I knew if he'd be my planet, I'd be his moon, no questions asked.

They say kissing stops time, but they're wrong. It slows it down and speeds it up at the same time, it confuses the hell out of you, because it feels as though it's lasted a millennium, but as soon as it's over you want another. And another. You want an infinite amount of time to relive that feeling, and however much you have it's never enough. Or, at least, that's how I felt when Remus pulled the fuse and cut the electric sparks between us.

"Never say that again. Promise me." He whispered into my mouth, his nose pressed against mine. I promised, even though I'd completely forgotten what I was promising. It was as though he'd wiped my mind clear of anything that wasn't him. This must be what latching feels like for him and Arlo.

Behind me, I heard a pair of hands clapping slowly, sarcastically. As I turned, I saw Remus stick his middle finger up at Black. I laughed.

"Well _finally_ , Moony!" He exclaimed with a mock-dramatic edge to his voice. "Does this mean no more moping about whining that no one will ever look at you because of your little issue?" Sirius chortled. I turned back to Remus, smiling.

"Don't worry, Rem. I don't care one bit if you're a werewolf." He returned my smile, arms loosely hung around my waist. Sirius barked a laugh.

"Oh, I know you don't care about _that_ Star. I was talking about his erectile dysfunction." He and Potter high-fived before sprinting away, Remus close behind, all three screaming obscenities at the top of their lungs. I sighed, shaking my head, and Peter turned to me.

"Star," he began, "did you like Remus before today?" He looked at me intently, obviously expecting a legitimate answer.

"Um… Well, yes, I did. Quite a lot actually." I was uncomfortable answering this; why did he care?

"How did you know? Did you think Remus felt it too? How?" He was spitting out questions way quicker than I could answer them, and suddenly I understood. I put my hand on his wide shoulder and we began walking back up to the Castle.

"Breathe, Peter. This is about Leda, isn't it?" He was only an inch or so taller than me, so I could practically look him square in the eye. Peter looked down at his feet, fiddling with his thumbs.

"Yes. I think she's great, really far out, but I don't know what to do about it." I stopped, turning to face Peter completely.

"Have you considered telling her?" He pulled a face like I'd just suggested he take her to Jupiter. "Trust me, Pete, I know girls. She likes you too. Go talk to her at dinner, invite her to Hogsmeade next weekend. Yeah?" I smiled encouragingly, and Peter's face lit up.

"Ok. Thank you, Star!" He beamed and ran off to catch up with the boys.

…

Later that day, after many odd looks and a lot of explaining away the scar I'd acquired, I was perched on a log attempting to listen to Professor Kettleburn's speech on how to identify knarls when they're hiding in a group of hedgehogs, but my tired mind kept crawling back to Remus and the kiss we'd shared that morning. I was desperate to go and visit him in the Hospital Wing, but at break and lunch I couldn't quite convince my feet to walk me there…

The class finished, meaning the day was over. My eyes lingered over the distant castle window that I knew Remus' bed would be positioned next to, so he had a view of the lake.

"For Merlin's sake, Star, you're not a baby. Stop being so scared and talk to that boy!" I thought, shaking myself slightly. I took several deep breaths before walking back up towards the castle, but instead of turning towards the place that saved lives, I went to the place of the dead.

"Helena?" I called, tiny droplets of rain settling in my hair, creating little cobweb-like patterns. Mist gathered in the far corner of the tower and drifted lightly towards me, slowly metamorphosing into the ghost I knew so well.

"Miss Stella," she beamed, "how may I be of assistance?" She reached out, taking my pale hand in hers and walked side by side with me, arms linked. The view from up here was immense: masses of deep green forest strewn across the landscape in a million shades; the sky grey and bleak, streaked with white, creating the illusion of rolling snowy hills, hung upside down from the galaxy; the orange glow of Hogsmeade in the far distance, reminding me always of Christmas.

I turned back to Helena and began to explain everything that had happened to her. She listened intently, nodding and looking thoughtful. When I finished, she creased her brow and looked at me, head cocked like Sirius'.

"What?" I asked, sounding dumb and blunt. She sighed gently, clearly exasperated.

"I'm not sure what you're asking me to help you with. Surely Master Lupin's proclamation of love is a good thing? Surely it makes you happy?" We were in the middle of our 23rd loop of the tower.

"Firstly, it was a kiss, not a 'proclamation of love' and secondly, I am happy about it." Even as I spoke I was aware how childish and whiny I sounded.

"Then why on Earth are you here with me, a lost soul stuck in the tower for eternity, and not with him, the boy who will not be there forever. You can come back to me, but you must go to him." I looked at Helena with a pained expression.

"I'm scared, Helena." I whispered my confession, tears filling my eyes. "I'm scared that I can't love him, because everyone I love gets hurt. Arlo, and in turn both of my parents. What if there's just too much at stake for me to risk it all?" My words dripped down my skin like freezing rain drops, turning it into a person-shaped mountain of ants, crawling and creeping over me.

"Oh, Star," she said, using my real name for the first time. "I think this boy understands you and your situation, and you feel the same connection to him. I don't think you're risking anything by loving him; I think losing him should be your biggest worry."

….

The last ribbons of light were being pulled from the sky as I walked into the hospital wing. I looked around, beds filled with snotty first years whimpering away to themselves filling the room. There'd been a bug going around the first year Slytherin dorms, and (as most of them were vile at best) the rest of the school had quite enjoyed their absence. Madame Pomfrey noticed me and nodded towards a door in the far corner of the room. I smiled my thanks and sped over.

I barged through the door and there he was: blankets piled around him, pyjamas hanging loosely from his frame, pillows propped up.

"Star," he exclaimed. "I – "

I guess I'll never know what he was going to say, because before he'd even really begun his sentence, I cut him off by kissing him.

I'm kissing him.

I'm kissing Remus Lupin.

 **Double figures! Yay! And we're nearly at 2000 reads which is immense, thank you all so much! The new HP game was released onto the app store and I'm totally hooked, I love it!**

 **And so the true love story begins… Tune in next time, keep reading! Also, katiejeanrose please consider this your chapter, it was your review that motivated me to write this! Reviews truly are what shows me people are interested, even just a few words is so helpful!**

 **Love and positivity,**

 **DoO xoxox**


	11. 11 - Redemption

'Fancy a swim? Meet me at Tybalt's favourite hunting spot at midnight, -R' read the note tucked into my potions book. I smiled to myself and sat down in my seat next to Meadow, who snatched the note from my hand immediately, crawling over its words with her bright eyes.

"Hello to you too." I laughed under my breath as she shoved the parchment under my nose, finger on something. I sighed at her unyielding obsession with my new relationship. "Meadow, it's so close to my face I can't even read it. What?"

She looked at me, pointedly, and whispered, "'Tybalt's favourite hunting spot' – where even is that, Star? How can he know things about your cat in a week that I don't in five years?!" It took everything in me to not roll my eyes as I sarcastically responded.

"You never asked. Now give me my note and let's make this blasted potion before it kills us!" Meadow's eyes met mine and for a second, I thought we were about to fall out – big time. Then she burst out laughing, as though a cave full of Irish pixies had swooped in and tickled her all over. I soon joined her.

Meadow suddenly silenced and sat bolt upright, looking horror-stricken. "Oh, Merlin," She began.

"Meadow, what is it?" I asked gently, reaching for her shoulder. Her head twisted to face me, her eyes darting up and down my body.

"What on earth will you wear?" She exclaimed and began to giggle again.

….

In the end, we decide on an old lace dress of mine, waterfalls of cream material flowing from my neck down to my knees, with loose medieval-style sleeves. I wrap my shawl around my shoulders and murmur a goodbye to Meadow as I slink out into the corridors. I tiptoe to the tunnel and soon find myself (and Tybalt, who would never let me leave him out on a night-time adventure) emerging from beneath the oak tree in front of the lake. True to Remus' note, my fiendish fluffball stalks away instantaneously. Speaking of Remus…

He's sat, lounging on his arms, on a picnic blanket next to the glistening lake. In the light of the moon I saw his face glowing like an angel. My angel. I approached quietly, positioning myself on his left and smiled at him. He beamed back, scars stretching and tugging at his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. Suddenly, my mouth was full of sweet fruitiness as Remus shoved a strawberry into my mouth unexpectedly.

"Surprise attack." He murmured playfully; I smirked and, hand behind my back, tore up a large handful of grass. I shuffled towards him as though to kiss him, so close that he closed his eyes – and took my chance. I stuffed his mouth full of dewy, green blades and giggled as he sat up, choking and spitting.

"Surprise attack." I mimicked, raising my eyebrows. He scoffed.

"You realise you're totally in for it now, right?" I cocked my head, tensing my body in anticipation of his next move. He launched himself on top of me, tugging my dress over my shoulders, revealing a white swimsuit, and lifted me over his broad shoulders, like a fireman. I squealed as we approached the edge of the lake, begging and pleading with him, my voice full of laughter. Despite my giggled apologies, Remus threw me into the freezing lake, soaking my body and hair with cold, dark water.

"Remus John Lupin! I swear on Merlin's grave you will regret this!" I ran out of the lake to where Remus was already removing his shirt and trousers, and (stealing his wand from his trouser pocket) I sent a sharp jet of chilled spray directly at his face, before dropping his wand and pulling him deeper into the water with me. We splashed and played and danced under the moonlight, which was reflected gorgeously on the lake. Eventually, we tired and returned to the water's edge, lying down and watching the stars, muttering quiet conversation to each other.

"You should come to our common room tomorrow night, after dinner. Get to know my friends, you know? They reckon we should play a game of magical truth or dare, it'd be so fun, don't you – "

"No." I cut him off bluntly, standing quickly, before relaxing my stance and lowering myself back to the ground, sitting on my grazed knees. "No," I repeated more softly. I didn't want to come across as unreasonable, but I was not comfortable displaying my deepest secrets to the likes of the Marauders, and magical truth or dare forces you to complete your turn, however awful it may be. Remus looked at me questioningly.

"Why not? It's just a bit of fun, Star" His forehead creased as he spoke, eyebrows pulling together.

"I'm not spilling my secrets to them, Remus. I know they're your friends and that's great. I've been trying my hardest to get along with them for your sake, and my own quite frankly, but don't mistake my tolerance for trust. I don't trust them." Tears were building behind my eyes, but I refused to let them spill.

"Look, Star, I know there's a history there, but they're nice people really. They – "

"Nice people?" I cut him off again. "Were they nice people when they hexed me, beat me up, made my life a misery? Were they nice people then Remus?" I laughed breathily, unable to believe how this shit could even be coming from his mouth. "You know what? Don't even answer that. I don't need you to. The answer is no, they weren't, because no nice person would do to someone what they did to me. Goodnight, Remus." I stood, grabbing my dress and shawl in one quick sweep and stormed back through dank tunnels and dark corridors, before reaching my dorm and collapsing into a deep and restless sleep.

….

At breakfast the next morning, whilst buttering my croissant, Meadow nudged me and nodded towards the Gryffindor table. Remus was giving me a longing, apologetic look, but I returned it with my best evils. If looks could kill, the Marauders would be no more, minus Sirius, who didn't appear to have left his bed this morning. Or (more likely) whoever was _in_ his bed.

"What happened last night, Star? Why've you and Remus fallen out?" Meadow questioned, noticing the daggers I'd sent in his direction. I explained to her quickly, obviously leaving out the part about his furry problem, and her face turned from confusion, to shock, to anger.

"How could he? He's no idiot, he knows what they did was wrong, and you're his girlfriend, he should be defending you!" Meadow stated accusingly, sending her own dirty look Remus' way. I nodded in agreement, before we stood and left for our classes, Meadow to Divination, me to Care of Magical Creatures.

As I neared the door out towards the path down to Hagrid's Hut and the Forbidden Forest, a strong hand snatched me into a store cupboard, a silencing charm keeping my screams hushed. I turned and saw Sirius in front of me, waving his wand to remove the charm.

"Sirius! What the hell!" I shouted, before he lifted a finger to his lips.

"Stop shouting or I'll charm you again." He threatened, eyebrows raised challengingly. I flared my nostrils grumpily.

"What do you want, Black?" I seethed. He stepped back, and reached down to the edge of his shirt, before slowly lifting it up.

"Sirius, what are doing, put your shirt on!" I whispered loudly, moving towards him to tug his top back down.

"Do not come any closer, do you hear me?" He looked wild and afraid, like a rabbit the second before it gets hit by a car. I was terrified, but obliged.

He continued to lift his shirt, slowly revealing his sculpted chest. I squared my jaw and looked him in the eyes, making sure he knew I wasn't interested in whatever game he was trying to play. His eyes trailed up to meet mine, wide and unsure.

"I brought you here because you deserve an explanation. Remus told me what happened between the two of you last night, so I'm going to show you something. Something I've never shown anyone, not even James. You deserve to know why I did to you what I did. And I know it doesn't excuse it, trust me I do, but it made me feel better, and I need you to understand that, please, please, understand that." His voice cracked as he finished his plea, and slowly, he turned away from me. I gasped audibly at what I saw.

Red, raw cracks ran all down his back, like trails of lava, pouring over him, burning. He was a mess of torn flesh, strips of tissue paper, papier machéd over his back. Someone had been whipping him, and, from the looks of the scars, for a long time. He was shaking, crying, and I felt myself joining him.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed, over and over. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

To see the cocky, arrogant young man reduced to this weeping boy broke my heart, and through my tears I found myself feeling a huge amount of anger.

"Sirius, who did this to you?" I spoke softly as I approached him, turning him by his shoulders and encasing him in a hug.

"My father is not a nice man." His breath was hot as he spoke down my neck, his tear-stained face sticky against my cheek. I pulled back from the hug but kept my hand firmly on his bare shoulders.

"Your father did this to you? Does your mother know?" I was struggling to comprehend it: I'd resented my father for so long, but in comparison to this, he was a saint.

Sirius barked out a bitter laugh. "Does Walburga know? Of bloody course she does, but I'm the Gryffindor blood traitor. She couldn't give a toss what he does to me." He spat his words out, each one coated heavily in well-deserved venom.

"Listen to me, Sirius. You are never, I repeat never, going back there. You can stay with me in the holidays, help me with Arlo." I couldn't bear the thought of anyone going through what the Blacks obviously torture Sirius with, Sirius whose eyes were glued to the floor.

"Star, I can't accept that. I've been awful to you, for so long. I'm not asking you to pity me and forgive me out of sympathy. I just wanted you to know that I'm so fucking sorry. I was so afraid of how he stole all control from me, so I got it back by doing the same thing to you. I hate him more than anyone and yet I fund myself turning into him just to make myself happier, and that was wrong, and I hate myself for it." Salty tears began flooding from his eyes again, and I grabbed his face roughly, forcing him to look at me.

"Sirius, look into my eyes. I forgive you. I forgive you for everything. You're right, it was awful, but you've finally proved to me that you're mature enough to see it. And I wholeheartedly believe you'll never do it again, just like I know that he will never lay a finger on you again. I will not allow it. I forgive you, Sirius Black. I forgive you."

He collapsed back into my open arms, and together we sat on the floor of the cupboard, finally understanding one another.

 **Hello everyone! Can I begin with a massive sorry for how bloody long it's been since I updated! It's exam season so my life's been crazy hectic right now, and I can't guarantee how long it'll be before I manage to update again, but I swear when summer comes, I'll be updating loads! I have such huge plans for this, I'm just begging that you guys stick with me til then.**

 **So, Star finally fully forgives Sirius, and he shares a massive secret with her… Will she keep it? Or will temptation get the better of her? Hmm…**

 **Please leave some reviews, I'd love at least 2 or 3 before I next update, hopefully within the next fortnight. Let's say if I get 5 by Friday, I'll update this Sunday night, so get reviewing for a quicker release!**

 **Love as always,**

 **Daughter of Orion xoxo**


	12. 12 - Cold

**Hi guys! Author note at the start - odd I know! It's finally the summer holidays, meaning (aside from while I'm away the first 2 weeks) updates should be nice and constant. However, as I've said before, reviews and likes always help for motivation - for example, Raven that Flies at Night, animexchick and especially cosmic bucky were the ones who really got me going with this.**

 **But I need to warn you:**

 **You might be excited by this chapter now - I mean it's one of the longest ones yet, nearly 1800 words. But- and it's a big but - a big thing happens here, and you might need tissues.**

 **That said, please enjoy the chapter, keep up the love and i'll see you with the next chapter!**

 **Love,**

 **Daughter of Orion xoxo**

Days slurred into weeks, weeks slurred into months like words tumbling from a drunken man's mouth. It seemed as though the second one day finished, the next began and suddenly we found ourselves in December, Christmas sprinting towards us rapidly. I couldn't wait for the final week of term to pass us by – it felt like a dozen eternities since I'd laid eyes on Arlo and in the excitement of the Christmas buzz, neither he nor my mother had written for a few days. Not that I minded; I myself had barely found time to scrawl a few words onto some parchment and owl it between all the impending assignment due dates, Christmas shopping and keeping up with the latest dramas (apparently Marlene's been meeting with this sixth year Hufflepuff, Marius Duley, in the fourth-floor _broom closet_! I think we all know what's happening there!). Moreover, two full moons had passed, one on Halloween, and another at the end of November, thankfully both being reasonably uneventful.

All in all, I was exhausted. The weight of Sirius' confession still bore away inside me and lulled on my shoulders, although Mrs Potter's invited him to stay there for the holidays – sometimes I wonder if James' mother is omnipotent, she always seems to know when something's wrong, especially concerning Sirius; perhaps Mr Potter's working in a department with Mr Black has raised some suspicion as to his treatment of his sons – so all was quite well. I just wished I could tell Remus, James and Peter. I felt an insatiable need to hurt Orion Black as much as he'd hurt Sirius, and I knew that if we all worked together, we'd probably manage it – and get away with it too. Alas, I'd made a promise, a promise I would keep until the gravestone was struck into the ground over my grave, and so I kept silent.

Lessons were becoming duller and duller as I awaited the Christmas break. All I wanted was to be free of the four-walled classrooms and escape back to Devon, where fields ran onto beaches, where the cool sea flowed beyond where the eye could see. I longed to be under the soft penumbra of the tall pines, to inhale the mossy scent of wet bark, leaves and mud. More than anything, I just wanted to see Arlo's face, my mother's face, and feel their warm arms wrapped around me, auras blending into the most incredible shade of gold. I wished Remus could come for Christmas, I just know they'd adore him as much as I do.

"Please, at least for one day." I begged as we stood outside the Gryffindor common room, waiting for the others. "I can show you the river, and the fallen tree that leads over it to the tiny beach! Arlo and I named it The Faery Bay, because it's so small, to a faery it would be like a huge bay." I pleaded with him, tugging his fingers and trying my best to give him puppy eyes.

"I can't, Star. The full moon's on the 29th, I'll be exhausted. And so will Arlo – our wolves may even clash for dominance. It's just not a good idea. I'm sorry." He gave his response through a crooked half-smile. I sighed, admitting defeat.

"And Star?" He added. I looked towards him as he grinned playfully. "I'm practically a dog, puppy eyes were never going to work." I smacked his chest, feigning irritance, before whispering "mangy mutt" under my breath. He grabbed me from behind and lifted me over his shoulder, tickling me until I screamed.

"Did you forget this 'mangy mutt' has supersonic hearing?" He teased, putting me down. Sirius and James came jogging up the staircase towards us, Peter panting a few steps behind. We entered the red room and flopped down onto squishy sofas and armchairs. The evening slipped away, with us eating chocolate and drinking mulled wine (James had snuck it in from Hogsmeade) in front of a warm fire, baubles and tinsel hung around us. Suddenly, a red ribbon fell from the ceiling, a piece of mistletoe sprouting from it, right above mine and Remus' head. We turned to each other, minds hazy with wine-induced fog and smiling, we brought our lips together. The sparks were like lightning through the mist in my head, and it was addictive. We broke apart, noses resting together.

"Bloody nargles." I breathed, a soft giggle winding out from my drunk mouth. Remus chortled, and sat back, and somehow the five of us exploded into erupting laughter, shaking the chairs and waking a few second years who came down to tell us to either shut up or put a silencing charm on the room. Only then did we realise how late – or, I suppose, early – it was, and we retired to our dorms to sleep.

…

I awoke with that disconcerting feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get when you know something's wrong. Like butterflies, but for the complete opposite feeling. Like moths. I had moths in my stomach when I rose from my bed on that Thursday morning. Tomorrow was the 20th December – the last day of term – and the day after that we'd all be going home, so why did I have a debilitating feeling of anxiety, or guilt, or fear, or… Something? I shook myself, I was just overreacting. This was last night's wine coming back to bite me on the ass. This was just a hangover. I dressed in my skirt and blouse (with all the fires inside it was too warm for robes) and dragged my long waves back into two braids running to above my ear, before letting to rest fall like an ocean of umber down my back.

I walked alone to breakfast – I could imagine the scene in the boys' room: Sirius and James refusing to get out of bed, Remus, pushing through his hangover trying to force them up, and Peter sorting himself, so he wouldn't miss breakfast. In the end, the four of them arrived about ten minutes after me, each one looking tired and groggy. I laughed quietly as they sat down.

"God, you four need a pick-me-up!" I tittered, pouring small amounts of a potion I'd found the recipe for in a book of my father's into their goblets. They looked at me, confused. "A hangover cure." I informed them, watching as the gulped down the grim liquid. They looked instantly better and thanked me.

As we ate, the daily owls came swooping through, dropping letters and parcels over the tables. A crisp white envelope found its way onto my lap, my name printed in block capitals over the front. I didn't recognise the writing but assumed Arlo had finally been taught to use his right hand. I kept telling him how he'd struggle at Hogwarts if he tried to write with a quill and wet ink if he used his left hand. I opened the letter, unfolding the parchment inside and began to read.

"Miss S. Smith,

It is with great sympathy and regret that I, Eugenia Jenkins, Minister of Magic, must inform you that an attack took place at your home of Wishwell on the day Tuesday 17th December 1974.

Both your mother, Mrs D. Smith, and your brother, Master A. Smith were rushed to St Mungo's, but, due the force and power of the curses placed on them by unknown Death Eaters, nothing could be done.

Myself and all my colleagues at the Ministry send our deepest condolences to you, and we apologise for not being able to prevent this attack.

We have attempted to contact your father, but we have no record of where he is, and so (as next of kin) this letter is addressed to you, and all property, wealth and belongings of your family now fall into your possession. However, as you have no legal guardian, they shall remain under the control of your headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, until your 18th Birthday.

I'm not supposed to write anything informal, but I feel I must. I'm so very, very sorry, Miss Smith. I cannot imagine the pain this will put you in. I feel entirely responsible and hope that one day you may forgive me and my workers for not being able to save your family.

Deepest regrets, sympathy and condolences,

Eugenia Jenkins,

Minister of Magic"

I sat, dumbfounded, unaware of how the parchment wavered in my shaking hands. Silently I rose from the table and walked out of the Great Hall, chin high and facing forwards. My feet took me out into the flurrying snow, though my bare arms were oblivious to the cold, I was oblivious to everything. I wandered aimlessly for about a mile before my legs collapsed beneath me. I was on the side of an exposed hill, Hogwarts laid before my eyes in all its warm glory. A safe place. I was alive. I was safe. But my mother was dead. Arlo was dead. Arlo…

I cried then, all my held in tears breaking through the flood barrier and freezing as icicles on my face. I screamed, cursing the wind, the snow, the sky, whatever gods do or don't exist. I wanted to swap. I wanted to die, and I wanted Arlo to live. He was perfect, so innocent, so full of hope for the world. Even after his attack, he refused to believe people could be completely bad; he insisted there was good in everyone, you just had to search deep enough. He deserved to be alive. At that moment, I think I realised that I needed Arlo more than he'd ever needed me. He'd been my distraction when our father left, the last precious thing I had, the only thing I had left to protect.

And I'd failed.

My father was right.

I was so numb with cold I couldn't even tell if I was shaking from my sobs or my temperature. I didn't care. More than anything, I just wanted to see Arlo's face, my mother's face, and feel their warm arms wrapped around me, auras blending into the most incredible shade of gold. I felt as though I'd thought that already. As my conditions whipped me, slowly drawing the breath from my lungs and pulling me into the darkness, the last thing I saw was my mother and Arlo embracing me, but as I tried to navigate my blue lips into asking them to stay, they disintegrated and blew away with the wind, my mother's voice whispering a soft goodbye, before her screams filled the skies, Arlo's cries echoing around behind them.

And then they disappeared, and I thought I heard a voice shouting my name in the distance as I slipped into the black.

 **I told you so, I tried warning you. Is Star dead? How's she going to be able to move on from this? I suppose we'll have to wait and see ;)**


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